The Clumsiest Butterfly

2011-12-24T02:02:00.000-08:00

Inventory

2011-12-16T22:20:00.000-08:00

One of the things I love most about this time of year is the opportunity for self reflection. For me, there is an undeniable pull inward, a tugging of the heart strings. A tiny little whisper to pause and reflect on the last year. For some reason, this year, the usual little whisper is not so subtle, it is a scream really. I feel compelled to contemplate on all the ups and downs, blessings and curses of 2011 and ask myself some tough questions.

Why do I do this? I have really struggled lately as to why I do this, blog that is. I have been faced with my own insignificance as I stare at my tiny following and wonder, who am I doing this for? I have given more than one envious glace at some of my favorite blogs with their hundreds, and thousands of followers. If only I could teach you how to make a dress out of a pair of your husbands old socks. It has taken me a while to realize, I do this for myself. So I have a place to tell my story, our story. It may not be important to the masses, but it is authentic. I hope that someday, my daughters can see this blog, and it will help them to know who their mother was. They can see this and then also see that they were and are my whole world (tiny as it may be.)

What is important? Maybe a better question would be, why is it so easy to become distracted by things that are unimportant? The other night I went with my sister in law and our kids to pioneer park to candle light Christmas. It was so fun, magical almost. I learned the Virginia real. I have seen it in movies and always wanted to be able to do an old fashioned dance. My sister in law said she loves it there because the whole world just disappears and you can forget about all the craziness. By the end of the night I was in agreement. Sometimes simple is better. Less distractions, like pinterest and those annoying kardashians. Distractions can steal your life. The other day I almost missed Ella's singing performance at school. I got busy at home and didn't have time to shower and I didn't want to be seen by all the posh moms at school in such a state. I reasoned that it wasn't that important and that Ella wouldn't even notice me in the crowd. Then I gave my head a shake and pulled it together and zoomed to her school, greasy hair and all. When I walked in she shrieked and ran to me across the room and gave me the hugest hug and said "your the best mommy ever!!!" I almost missed that. I almost let her down, because I was worried what some snotty cows that drive fancy cars would think about my lack of mascara and lip gloss. I am so glad I realized what matters most is my little girl's smile, even if it was at the last minute.

Do the people you love know that you love them? This is a tough one. One that makes a lump form in my throat. Just about eight years ago my brother Jamie passed away. We weren't very close, and I remember sitting at his funeral and being so angry at myself that I hadn't take the time to nurture our relationship. I listened to his friends stories and realized for the first time how much we had in common and how much I had lost by not letting him know that I loved him. I promised myself that I would never let anything like that happen again. This Christmas my prayer is that all the important people in my life know how much I love them.

Does God know how grateful I am for the blessing in my life? Sometimes I am such a brat. An ungrateful brat. I whine about this and that, blah blah blah. Then I take a look at my beautiful little Annika. She will always be a reminder to me of just how blessed I am. She is like humility medicine for me. A sweet little pill to remind me, that I am loved and lucky and that my life is not that hard.

I guess this is kind of a lot to think about. Good thing there is a whole new year just around the corner. I will have plenty of time to contemplate and get it just right.

Can it be true?

2011-11-23T11:06:00.000-08:00

Can it be true that my little love Ella is seven years old? Does anybody else out there have a hard time coming to term with their children growing up? I'm not sure why I find it so hard to believe that my first born baby is not nearly a baby anymore. Ella is my little BFF, the sunshine in my soul. She is the most sweet, loving and thoughtful little girl you could ever come across. She is always making little love notes and suprises for me and her dad. She loves her baby sister and can most of the time be found cooing her little songs and reading her stories. She also loves animals. In fact, she has just spent the entire morning outside in the yard creating as she says "a thanksgiving feast for the animals." I am not sure that birds ans squirrels share her love of mudpies and leaf cakes. I do know that since the day she was born I have loved her and been thankful that I am her mom.

Fall Fun

2011-10-28T09:11:00.000-07:00

I finally got it in gear and dragged my kiddos and hubby to our local pumpkin patch a Wheeler Farm. It was Fall fun for all with a hay bale maze, pumpkin picking patch and wagon ride. Ella insists that her favorite part was seeing the cows and letting them lick her hand with their rough tongues. (ummm, ew!) I think she loves animals even more than I did as a kid, and she is so entertained by the simplest things. We also took our sweet little friend Kennedy with us. I love that little girl so much and it is always nice and a little bittersweet to spend time with her and imagine what might have been. Our little bundle, Annika, was cute as ever and will probably be a little more excited about the pumpkin picking in years to come.

A love song for baby

2011-09-14T21:01:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite childrens books ever is called Love Song For A Baby. I bought it for E as a baby and now, with a new little wee one, some of the lyrical prose always seem to be on the tip of my tongue. ............

Before the first stars blazed in your sky,

before the sun ever kissed you,

before you cried your first cry,

we loved you...

....Your laughter was the sun.

Your smile, the moon.

Even your burps were bells,

since we loved you.

You burst upon our world like a comet,

like bird song

in the silver silence of dawn,

and how could we help

but love you?

Is it too late for one last summer adventure?

2011-08-19T21:55:00.000-07:00

I want to steal a romantic kiss from my husband here....

and here......................

but do most of the kissing here!

Fourth of July Baby

2011-07-20T19:38:00.000-07:00

Oh Happy Day!

2011-07-18T17:19:00.000-07:00

It has been ages since I blogged and you probably know the reason why. To say the last few months have been difficult would be a huge understatement. Many of you know the struggle we have been through to grow our little family. We have been working to get pregnant or to adopt for a couple of years but there seemed to be new obstacles around every corner. Finally in January our application for adoption through LDS family services was completed and we were approved for adoption, which basically is the beginning of a long wait until someone chooses you to be the adoptive parents. Although we had not given up on fertility I felt my heart tugging strongly in the direction of adoption. I didn't know the reason why, I just felt it in my heart.

It wasn't very long at all before we had a phone call saying that a birth mom had picked our profile and wanted to meet with us. I was overjoyed! After a few meetings with her she told us that she wanted us to be the parents of her soon to be born baby boy. I was elated, and immediately began preparing for the birth of a baby boy, our baby boy. We picked out a name, told our families, and got the nursery ready. And then things began to fall apart. There were lots of warning signs that this was not going to have a happy ending but I refused to believe it could be true. I just kept imagining holding and loving this little boy and my heart could not let him go.

Around the same time a dear friend approached me about the possibility of adopting her darling 2 year old granddaughter, Kennedy, who was facing the possibility of foster care. Steven and I talked it over and decided that although there were lots of risks involved in this complicated situation that it would be worth the risk to do what we could to provide a loving and stable environment for this little girl. At the same time we realized that we would not be able to adopt the baby boy. We were both grieving this loss and welcoming Kennedy into our home at the same time. It was a scary time for me because I was becoming more and more attached to Kennedy, and realizing that my heart could be broken for a second time in a few short months. I worried about the affect that this would all have on my darling Ella and on Steven and I and how we would ever recover from this loss. A couple of weeks later and my fears were realized as Kennedy's birth father put an end to the adoption proceedings. We loved Kennedy and it was heart wrenching to return her to her mother, even though we had tried to prepare ourselves for this possibility.

By the end of June I felt like I had been through and emotional war. I was discouraged and exhausted and began to consider that maybe I did not have the fortitude to continue on our adoption journey. I decided to take a much needed break and spend some quality time with Ella at my parents cabin in Montana. I would go out on the lake in the kayak and paddle as hard as I could trying to escape it all and put the thoughts of babies and adoption and fertility treatments out of my mind. I just kept wondering why Heavenly Father was putting our family through this. What was the purpose of these two failed adoptions? What was it that I needed to learn? I felt the peace and quiet beauty of my surroundings, I could finally breathe again as I felt the answer "Peace, be still." I could actually feel myself becoming more calm and at peace.

I never imagined a few days later when my phone rang that would it be our adoption case worker. I had to find a chair quickly as she told me that a baby girl had been born on July 4th at the University of Utah hospital and placed with the agency for adoption. I could barely speak as she told me that the birth mom had signed the placement papers and requested the agency to choose the adoptive family. We quickly got Steven on a conference call as she filled some of the few details in about this little baby girl. She told us she had seen her and she was healthy and beautiful. They had prayed about it as an agency and felt that she belonged to us. To us! When I got off the phone and began to make arrangements on how to get back to Salt Lake in time to pick her up from the hospital at noon the next day I felt like I was in shock. I went back and forth between laughing hysterically and sobbing uncontrollably. I called my parents, who are amazing, and they came to my rescue. They booked me a plane ticket, then drove three hours back to the cabin to take care of Ella and get me to the airport in the wee hours of the next morning.

I am not sure my feet ever touched the ground that day. It seemed like a dream as I went to the hospital with Steven to meet our baby girl. It is a bit of a foggy haze to me because I was having such a hard time processing this amazing miracle. I knew it was just that, we had been granted a miracle. On the way to the hospital we brainstormed baby girl names, and were inspired with the name Annika. I few days later I looked the name up online and learned to my amazment that Annika means "merciful" or "mercy". We had been granted mercy, an answer to all of our prayers. It amazes me when I look back over the last few months at all we have been through to realize that every step was a step closer to her. Even though we could not see the happy ending to our journey, there was One who knew the outcome, who gave us the strength to endure, and who granted us Mercy when we needed it most.

We could not feel more blessed to welcome Annika Lily Flockhart into our family.

Peace Birds Project

2011-04-03T22:36:00.000-07:00

Peace Birds for Japan

2011-04-03T21:03:00.000-07:00

Recently I saw this http://youtu.be/eeQewQj43o4 video on You Tube, called Give Aloha to Japan. I was impressed and decided to show it to my preschool class. We talked about the tragic earthquake and tsunami in Japan and soon had a plan of how we could do something to help the children of Japan. My cute students came up with lots of creative ideas. We had recently been learning about different bird species, so they decided they would make some water color bird paintings that they could sell, and then we would donate the money to The Red Cross. They wanted to call them "Peace birds for Japan" since we have a lot of lessons about peace in Montessori. I loved seeing them so excited about this project, they were so concerned and sincere in their efforts to "help." We were able to raise about 150.00 dollars. The parents at the school were so supportive, and even my sweet little Elle raided her tooth fairy money to buy a few birds. I loved doing this project and I was so inspired by these sweet little pumpkins, their caring hearts and little helping hands. It made me want to look around and see what else I can do to make the world a better place.

Finding my.....passion?

2011-03-13T19:02:00.000-07:00

Its the catch phrase offered up by every life coach and O magazine cover..... find your passion! Follow your passion. I admit, I have been sucked in more than once. It sounds so exciting and so pleasant. What could be better than a career, a part-time job, a hobby or life centered around what you are most passionate about. Delicious as it seems at first, it is one of those concepts that sours quickly in your mouth. My biggest problem, I am not really sure what mine is. I like to think that I am in tune with myself, so why does posing this question make my stomach a little queasy. Can I choose only one? Am really passionate about anything. Soon I find my self in the clutches of despair and self-doubt. That nasty little bad jill on my shoulder ever so sweetly whispers "you are not really good at anything"...."You will never find your passion." Just when my world starts to spin out, a little girl missing two front teeth comes prancing in the room asking me to do a project with her. Then I get a phone call from my sister and laugh so hard I wet my pants a little. Later I make the best Thai basil curry anyone has ever tasted. Before I fall asleep I read a few pages of one of my favorite poetry books ever, words so beautiful I cry every time. The next morning my shiny new magazine with alluring catch phrase goes straight into the garbage can along with several self-help books. This is my honest and somewhat painful conclusion, passionate is not a word that fits anywhere in my life. I am okay with that though, I have a few loves, plenty of laughs, lots of happy. From now on my plan is to catch myself in the act of being happy, and then keep on doing that.

Montessori Monday

2011-02-07T21:42:00.000-08:00

"We especially need imagination in science. It is not all mathematics, nor logic, but it is somewhat beauty and poetry." -Maria Montessori

For the last five years I have worked as a preschool teacher, but for the last 18 months I've had the opportunity of working at a Montessori preschool. To be honest it has taken a while for the montessori philosophy to find its way into my heart, but I can finally announce that I am officially in love. I think that Maria Montessori's ideas can be implemented by any teacher and all you moms out there are the most important teacher your child will ever have. I love this quote because it embodies all that I want to give to my students. I want them to find the beauty in the world, in the experience of learning, and most importantly in themselves. I want them to know that life is poetry, a song in motion.

"Butt-tops"

2011-01-19T17:35:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, after swimming lessons, Ella didn't want the lady behind us to see her getting changed because she would see her "Butt-tops." She thinks that is the techincal word for butt, which she is confusing with buttocks. Her teacher sometimes tells the class to sit on their buttocks, but ella cannot be convinced that it is not "butt-tops." I think she has the cutest little but-tops on the face of the planet!

2010-12-30T19:11:00.000-08:00

Canadian Christmas and montana mistetoe.

2010-12-30T18:06:00.000-08:00

I love Christmas time, but I never seem to get any blogs in about it because December is always the busiest month of the year. Mother Nature has decided to help me out a little with my time crunch problem however, because as I write this I am stuck in a motel in tiny Dillon, Mt. A nasty storm has blown in and the highway is closed, we spent last night in a hotel in Greatfalls, drove another four hours today and are stuck again. Its okay because me honey is keeping me nice and cozy and I even have a little mistletoe packed away in my suitcase I can break out later....

Meantime, let me tell you about our Canadian Christmas. We try to make it home every other year, and this year all my sibling got it together and were there. It was so nice to be home at my parents house. We had so much fun playing with ellas cute cute cousins Anna and Wheeler. She even liked them enough that she didn't mind sharing her Nana. My cute mom made sure everything was perfect, and she does so much to make all her chickens happy. There is no place like home for the holidays.

2010-11-11T19:36:00.000-08:00

I was a little sad at school here today, thinking about remembrance day in Canada, and how we were taught to respect the sacrifices made by those serving in the armed forces. There was no moment of silence at our school, no reciting In Fladers Fields. Every time I hear this beautiful poem I think of my grandpa Leavitt who fought in WWII. I have always felt very proud of him, and also a little bit sad, when I imagine the things he must of seen.....

My heart breaks a little when I look at old pictures of his from the war. All these handsome young men looking sharp in their uniforms, smiling for a picture home to their wives and girlfriends. How young they were to make such a commitment to serve their country, and how so many of them made the ultimate sacrifice.......loved and were loved and now we lie in Fladers Fields.

Jessie's the best in all the west.

2010-11-11T18:50:00.000-08:00

Halloween is great for teaching me important life lessons. One I have learned repeatedly is that I am not much of a sewer... but I sure am handy with fusible webbing and a glue gun! Another is fifteen mini candy bars does not a meal make, but two in the hand is better than one in the bush.....or something like that. I loved ella's costume choice this year, Jessie has been one of her favorites for a long time. I loved making her costume, and I think it turned out much better than those crappy nylon store bought ones that looked like cheap pajamas. We had a lot of fun having a visit from my mom and dad, elle thought it was pretty awsome to have nana and papa here to go trick or treating with her.

Dear Ella

2010-09-03T23:18:00.000-07:00

Dear Ella,

Just a couple of days ago you were only this big, but you had a lot of personality even back when you were six months old!

. Now you have gone and started kindergarten and I just can't

believe how grown up you are. I am the proudest mom in the world, and I can't think of a single thing I would rather be doing than being your mom! I hope someday you will have the whole world in your pocket, but for now, could you please stay my little girl a little while longer. I don't think I am quite ready to have you all grown up just yet. I hope some things about you never change. I hope you will always be brave like you are now. I hope you will never be afraid to do your own thing (just remember your pixie cut.) I hope you will always be kind hearted, and love animals, and think your daddy is the most handsome boy in the world, and I hope you will always know you mommy loves you more than anything.

A life without love is like a year without summer." Swedish Proverb

2010-08-17T13:22:00.000-07:00

Ah summer time, I always find myself waiting for you with baited breath. I wait for your long hot days to turn laziness into a perfectly respectable way of being. I wait for all the fun that an extra four hours of daylight potentially brings. You summer are lakes, and laughter, roadtrips, campouts, star gazing and strawberries. This year we "summered" at the cabin, and the more time I spend there the more I believe that Echo Lake is a slice of heaven on earth. I am so thankful that my parents have such a beautiful place for us to come and enjoy the summer and each other. They are so welcoming and always do everything to make it so easy for us to come. I don't know what we would do without them. Ella loves nana and papa's cabin. She loves to waterski and throw rocks in the lake and spend time with nana and help papa drive his boat. This year she especially loved playing with her cousins Anna and Wheeler. Thanks for all the fun memories nana and papa!

2010-08-17T13:13:00.000-07:00

Summer 2010

2010-08-17T13:04:00.001-07:00

Top Five Tuesdays

2010-07-20T16:44:00.000-07:00

Top Five Scents:

#5 New Baby Smell
If I suddenly snatch your newborn out of your arms and sniff the top of it's head like crazy I apologize. Clearly one of the best smells of all time, who knows why.

#4 Lemon Verbena
Light and crisp and fresh and delicious. I especially love it in lotion form from bath and body works.

#3 Cherry Blossoms
Have you ever drove around Flathead lake in the spring time, when all the cherry orchards are in blossom. If you have, then you know the millions of little blossoms mixed with the smell of lake and pine trees is pure ecstasy. I like to roll down the window and stick my head out like a golden retriever and gulp it in.

#2 Mint
I love mint anything, mint mojitos, mint ice cream, mint gum, mint lotion, mint toothpaste. I especially love that when I realized that my crazy neighbour ladies yard smells like cat pee, I could plant mint in my yard to overpower the scent. Thank-you thank-you mint for saving me from having to smell that every time I step on the front porch.

#1 My Hubby right after he gets out of the shower. Smells like soap and sexiness, and security, home, masculinity, and everything that I love.

Top Five Tuesdays

2010-07-13T18:29:00.000-07:00

Two little known quirks about myself, I love to make lists, and I find Tuesdays unbearably boring. I have come up with the perfect solution. Top Five Tuesday, a new list of my top-five something every Tuesday. This week.......

Top 5 worst Inventions { ever!!!!!!}

#1 Text Messaging. Possibly one of my biggest pet peeves of all time, I believe "texting" will ruin the English language as we know it, forever. Plus, I am too emotionally needy for a text, I want to hear the lilt and flow of your voice, all the little nuances that make you you. A text doesn't deliver the whole story, I cant tell if you are excited, happy, sad, tired ect., and no, those stupid little smiley faces don't quite do the trick. One last thought on the subject, when I see you texters
endangering the life of my child by driving while you text I become violent enough to pull my car over and shove your stupid phone down your throat, so ya'll better steer clear of me. :) lol.

#2 Christian Rock. I am a Christian, and I like to rock, so does it make me a total hypocrite that I would rather chew on glass than listen to it?

#3 Brazilian Waxing. In what other context can a stranger enter a room and tell you to drop your drawers and put your legs over your head, and then you graciously comply. Never mind that hot burning wax.

#4 Twitter. It falls somewhere in the same category as texting. I know I am showing my age and placing myself firmly in the unhip category, but was I ever? {hip that is} Basically I don't need to know what you eat for lunch every day or what color your latest bowel movement was.

#5 Inventing a huge useless press conference/ two hour TV special, to announce which NBA team you are going to play for. You might have the moves on the court James, but no class off.

*** I've just realized this post is a slightly sour, if not whinny, I promise next top five Tuesday to be more upbeat.

Sandwiches

2010-06-21T19:08:00.000-07:00

I Love this girl!

Hit the road jack.....

2010-06-21T19:02:00.000-07:00

Wanderlust

2010-06-17T17:30:00.000-07:00

I have a dream........ no really, I do have a dream. I want to sell everything we own and take Ella out of school for a year and travel EVERYWHERE in the United States. I think that in a former life I must have been a gypsy, because I certainly have the wanderlust. I can imagine nothing more perfectly beautiful than travelling the continent for a year with no purpose or agenda, other than just soaking it all in, the good the bad and the beautiful. I want to gasp in awe at evey peice of american scenery that anyone has ever gaped at. If you could visit any scenic place in the USA, or Canada for that matter, where would you go?

The Yard Sale Queen

2010-06-06T15:12:00.000-07:00

Yard sales are one of my favorite things about the summer and I believe in all sincerity that I am the reigning queen. Here are a few of my recent finds and the summer has only just begun!

This chandelier is from Restoration Hardware, and is on sale on there website right now for 360.00 (425.00 normally.) I paid 30.00 dollars for it at a yard sale a couple of weeks ago, and I also got three panels of pottery barn curtains ( lined and 12 feet long, now I wish I had the high ceilings to go with the curtains,) and I paid 2.00. She was asking 3.00 and I had to talk her down a little. Yesterday I bought this darling gap kids winter coat. It will fit Ella next year perfectly and it is mint condition, any guesses? You'll never guess. 25 cents!!! Now you are ready to come with me, aren't you. Then I stoped an estate sale and these darling little bird figurines caught my eye. They are both pink, a much nicer shade than this one in the picture that I found on ebay. The asking price for this one on ebay is 36.00 dollars, gasp. I bought two of them for four dollars. Four dollars is actually really a lot for me to fork out at a yard sale, but this was an estate sale and I just couldn't resist. Now I am glad I did, I think I will put them on ebay and make myself 60.00 bucks.

Here are a few tips for those of you just getting your yard saling feet wet:

1. Be patient, there is a lot of crap out there. ( don't buy the crap!)

2. Start early, get yourself some hot chocolate, and have fun!

3. Be friendly, it goes a long ways, and I have met some really nice people at yard sales.

4. Always negotiate, I never pay the full asking price, start low and try to meet in the middle.

5. Don't be afraid to walk away if they are unwilling to negotiate. I find the negotiating the funnest part actually and if you do it with a sense of humor it goes over better. Some people do not have a sense of humor and I choose not to buy there stuff.

6. Don't look for exact addresses, it is frustrating and a waste of time to find adds online and try to find those exact yard sales. Just go to a neighborhood you like and drive around and see where the wind blow ya!

7. Carry small currency like quarters and dollar bills. You don't want to talk someone down on their price and then hand them a twenty. That's just rude.

8. Every yard saler needs to have at least one yard sale a year of there own, clear out all the junk to get ready for next year. ( this one is my husbands rule, but I still like it.)

Whats gonna work.......teammmmm work!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-05-10T15:44:00.000-07:00

Whew, somebody get me an easy chair, or a masseuse, or a really good therapist. We are just finishing up moving, and it was move #7. We have been married for six years. Ummm, what can I say, we really like to buy houses, this will be house purchase #4. Other than a few necessary moves for work and school, I think we might also be a little crazy. One thing positive to come out of all this is that me and Steven have really learned to work together. We are a team and a dang good one if I do say so myself. And lets not forget our littlest Flockhart who is the sweetest most helpful five year old you'll ever meet, and thankfully she never tires of picking out new paint colors for her bedroom. Lets keep our fingers crossed this will be out last move for a long long long long long time.

Spring Break in Houston

2010-04-07T18:40:00.000-07:00

We finally made it to Houston to visit Jan and meet my new little nephew, Wheeler Swan. The weather has been fantastic, especially when I hear it has been snowing all week at home. We have soaked up plenty of sun, enjoyed the zoo, the butterfly center, blue bonnet season and given a million kisses to squishy little cheeks. (Wheelers, not Jans). We are missing daddy and hope he can play hookie with us next time. Thanks for keeping your ladies of leasure in such great style honey!

2010-04-07T18:33:00.000-07:00

Spring Break in Houston

2010-04-07T18:28:00.001-07:00

2010-03-11T21:04:00.000-08:00

Sluggish and dazed Spring approaches

Winter Fun

2010-02-25T18:41:00.000-08:00

You are the trip I did not take,
you are the pearls I did not buy.
You are my blue Italian Lake,
You are my piece of foreign sky.

Tardy for the party pics

2010-02-24T18:14:00.000-08:00

whoa, who is that super cute five year old. Yes, five. Time ......... flys, add your own explitive.
This year we went to Disney Land for Elles bday, and we had an absolute blast. Steven and Ella really are my two favorite people to be with and we have such a fun time. We were floating on fairy dust for days after this trip and I dont care what anyone says, Disneyland is the most magical place on earth.

2010-02-24T17:45:00.000-08:00

2010-02-24T17:36:00.000-08:00

Sew Much Ado Ruby Lou Doll AND Pattern GUEST GIVEAWAY!!!!

2010-01-21T12:20:00.000-08:00

Sew Much Ado Ruby Lou Doll AND Pattern GUEST GIVEAWAY!!!!

December Craziness

2009-12-23T18:12:00.000-08:00

Stay tuned followers ( and by followers I mean ada and jan) I have so many things I want to blog about and no time to do it. Actually, what really happened is our computer blew up. I am serious, it blew up. Something about an electrical arch, and energy overload, but ya, I saw the inside and it was all fryed and burnt. So no blogging, no cute pictures of our super fun trip to disneyland, no cute Christmas anecdotes that bring a tear to even the most cynical eye. Maybe santa will deliver me a new computer. fat chance, I haven't been a good girl at all. Well, in case it is another month before I get to a computer again, merry Christmas, fa la la la la.

2009-11-25T13:20:00.001-08:00

Give Thanks

2009-11-25T12:55:00.000-08:00

I am so thankful for all my blessing. Here is a list of a few things I am thankful for the holiday season and always:

Steven : strong, sexy and sweet.
Ella: Beautiful, perfect, hilarious.
Mom and Dad: generous, loving, constant.
Sisters: sassy, supportive, just a phone call away.
Good Friends: laughter, good times, surely missed.
diet coke, garage sales, montana, sunsets, grandmas, prayer,
good books, loud music, dishwasher.

2009-11-01T10:06:00.000-08:00

2009-11-01T09:57:00.000-08:00

We have been overloaded by Halloween fun this year! Ella looked so cute as a fluffy pink poodle, and we loved how nice and warm this costume was for trick-or-treating, but we soon discovered it was a little too toasty for the inside parties. As Ella said "Mom, I feel like soup in here." So, mom did made a quick tutu (yes, made it, aren't you impressed!) and Ella became a fairy princess for her friend, Faith's, party. Then for her preschool Halloween party, we had another costume change, and Ella became the beautiful princess, Belle. Hey, its a girls perogative to change her mind a lot, okay. Steve was super cute and took her took get pumpkins and Ella had to name the littlest one (Kayla) so when you come to my house and see a rotting pumpkin still sitting on my doorstep in January, her name is Kayla and she is part of the family.
Also, while I'm rambling, check out the super cute little blue bench I picked up during some rummaging last Saturday. Love it!

2009-11-01T09:42:00.000-08:00

Whats in a name?

2009-10-10T10:33:00.000-07:00

I know that it is a little corny "The Clumsiest Butterfly". It makes Steve cringe. It is not meant to be completely literal, although, lets face it, I am not the most graceful person ever. I have always loved butterflies, before and after they were briefly in fashion in the late nineties. This is not a desperate attempt to hold on to the past. Its all the things they represent, in Israli Butterfly and spirit are the same word, in Japan they are synonimis with stillness and self reflection. To me they are symbolic of metamorphisis, of taking flight, unabashed and original beauty. I would like to find my wings, I would like to close my eyes and sleep and when I wake up I would be exactly the woman I am meant to be. Alas, any attempts to take flight on my part, are often met with face plants. So, for now, I am the clumsiest butterfly, but one of these days I am going to get the hang of things.

Vintage Jill

2009-10-07T18:39:00.000-07:00

2009-10-07T18:24:00.000-07:00

My favorite part of this picture is that Jan is laughing hysterically at me.

2009-09-30T16:53:00.000-07:00

2009-09-30T16:17:00.000-07:00

Mon Petite Cherri

kissing my twenties goodbye.

2009-09-20T10:00:00.000-07:00

Good bye dear sweet beautiful, horrible, twenties. My first ten years of adulthood, filled with all the realizations and angst I some how skipped over in my teens. I will miss your rash decission making, mood swings, wrinkle free face, insecurity, and unrelenting optimism, but i am a woman now. Thank-you for making me a student, a missionary, a wife and a mother. Thank-you for teaching me how to look forward to tomorow, accept my defeats and let go of the past.

Hello thirties, my lovlies. Welcome smile lines and sags. Welcome self acceptance I have been waiting for you for a long time.

New Job

2009-09-14T19:34:00.000-07:00

I sit here pondering the great mysteries of the universe, like why do my crying preschoolers know how to time their hysterical sobs perfectly so that just as I crouch down to comfort them buggars and snot spray into my face, and why does it take me 30 minutes to drive to work when I am already late but only 15 to get home, and how many drive through meals can I force my four year old to eat in a month before it officially becomes child abuse. And for the love of everything holy why is it taking 30 minutes to download 12 photos to be printed at costco. Well, at least its giving me time to blog, ie: complain. So, in case you are wondering I have started a new job, teaching preschool, at a beautiful montessor preschool called "The dancing Moose Montesorri." It is great and challenging like teaching always is. There are lots of moments to smile at, some that make me belly laugh, and the occasional urge to pull out my hair and run screaming from the room. It is amazing for ella, she loves her class and teachers and the structure and challenge is perfect for her. On the other hand, working 40 hours a week and trying to be a mom and wife is a little overwhelming, does anybody hear me out there? What is the secret, how do all you working moms do it? That is my last cosmic question of the day, how do you even begin to catch up on that ever growing mountain of laundry?

Why I love my husband, rest, and repeat.

2009-09-10T21:00:00.000-07:00

As I write this blog steam is virtually pouring out of my ears, thank the man in my life. So, perhaps now would be a swell time to list all the reasons why I love my Hubby Steve, well, I can't list them all, maybe a few will do. He is a great dad, I mean really super duper great. ( and I don't throw my super dupers around lightly guys) He is hilarious, and he knows it and he takes advantage, cause when I am ticked off it takes if about four seconds to make me laugh. He is compassionate and willing to help others and he wants to do the right thing. He is cute. Well, it worked, I am feeling a little less mad, I will go and repeat these reasons over and over to myself until I am brimming with affection. Next blog I am airing all his dirty laundry.

The Sweetest Thing

2009-09-07T11:09:00.000-07:00

Let me introduce you to Ella, the littlest love of my life. She is sweet and sassy and has some serious personality. You will probably be seeing a lot of her here, cause lets face it, she is pretty much my world. Being her mom is the sweetest thing!

What's Blog got to do, got to do with it baby?

2009-09-06T09:08:00.000-07:00

Yes, yes, I am a self professed nerd. I am usually the last person to try something new, especially if that something has anything to do with technology. I didn't have an email account until 2002, it was just last year (gasp) that I bought my first cell phone, and to this day the thought of text messaging makes me sick to my stomach. Seriously, when I see you "texting" I want to rip your phone right out of your hands and fling it unceremoniously across the room. Usually about the time your grandma or your great aunt bessy is catching on to something, that's when I am getting on board. So here goes my attempt at being a blogger, as long as I can remember my username and password. I loose those things more than my car keys.